Hamba Kahle Tata

We are generally feeling homeless and like life is a bit upside down at the moment. It is easy to feel like this when you moved continents and your whole world changed in a matter of a few weeks with important decisions being made very quickly. And all your friends back home are buying houses, adopting pets and settling down. And when your sister takes her first baby home to meet the family and you are thousands of kilometres away. As we struggle with identity issues of who we are, what nationality means to us and what it means to be a South African living abroad, we still feel the pull of home.

All South Africans can recall where they were and what they were doing the day Nelson Mandela was released from prison in 1990, election day in 1994, the rugby world cup final in 1995 and the 2010 Soccer World Cup. Now we can add a new date to that list: the day Nelson Mandela passed away.

I was only 8 years old when Nelson Mandela was released from prison. I can’t remember exactly if it was a holiday or on the weekend, but I do remember watching the proceedings on TV with my parents at home. I was too young to understand the significance of the day, I only remember the tension as the country and the world held their breath, watched and waited to see what would happen next. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I remember the general feeling that it could have gone either way.

In 1994 I was 12 years old and in the final year of primary school. I don’t remember too much about this either but I do remember waiting at home when my parents went to vote and that they were gone a really long time. I also remember that people were stock-pilling non‑perishable food such as tinned food as no-one was sure what was going to happen following the elections. But we surprised the world and in the end it was a peaceful process.

Yesterday our feelings of homelessness were exacerbated and questions of how South African we really are these days pushed aside as we lost the father of our nation. I read the sad news for the first time on the BBC news app and wondered if it was true; why was it on BBC first and not on News24? Surely it’s not true. But it was and is true; Nelson Mandela had passed away. It did not feel real that we had lost the greatest man and leader of our country. I hoped he would live forever, I guess a lot of people did, but of course that is not possible or fair on the man.

I never knew him personally so I was surprised at my intense feelings of sadness, loss and heartache. It felt like a death in the family. But strongest of all, I felt wholly South African. Even in death you unite us. I take comfort in knowing that the whole country and people the world over are mourning him. But here, we are alone, we don’t know any fellow South Africans in this city (the only one is on holiday in SA at the moment). We have no one but each other to mourn with. We are missing our family and friends to share this sad time. Today I did the only thing I could do alone and so far away, I lit a candle in the cathedral in Kennedy Park in remembrance of Madiba.

It seems as though Peru hasn’t noticed that he has passed away. I wish people could see that I am South African instead of mistaking me for American. I wish I had a flag or anything to identify us. I feel like we are missing one of those important landmark occasions and identifying moments of our country and nation. Where were we the day Nelson Mandela died? We were alone in Peru still waiting for our Brazilian visas to be approved and issued. I hope we are not left behind by our fellow South Africans as we miss these important days at home. Mourn enough and find closure for us too.

My other hope is that Nelson Mandela, what he achieved and what he stood for is never ever forgotten. It may seem impossible now, to forget such a man. But I hope we feel the same in 100 and more years’ time. May his legacy of hope, courage and always fighting for a better South Africa, never go away and never be forgotten and always be carried by the generations to come. He promised the people that he was ours and Tata we thank you for that. Thank you for giving us everything you had and then more. I am sorry that we are selfish and always wanted more of you. Even now in death, don’t leave us.

Hamba Kahle Tata, go well. 

Nelson Mandela

18 July 1918 – 5 December 2013

May you rest in peace.